


Insecure

by andromedablacc (TheLittleGreenTypewriter)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Harry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Sirius Potter - Freeform - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 04:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15453195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleGreenTypewriter/pseuds/andromedablacc
Summary: James knew Sirius would have a panic about being a dad, and apparently it's happening tonight.





	Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my lunch break, after sitting on the idea for a couple of days, so please forgive any mistakes.

James awakes to Sirius singing a quiet lullaby to Harry, sitting on the floor before his cot. He debates staying in bed and letting Sirius finish settling the baby and falling back to sleep until he hears to slight crack in his husband's voice and the tiny, soft snores Harry is making and it dawns on him that Sirius is calming himself, not Harry.

He's known since Lily offered to be their surrogate that Sirius was going to have a panic about being a dad, as much as he's always wanted to be one. Apparently, tonight is the night. 

Without the other man noticing, he slips from the bed and pads over to his two favourite people. Sirius has changed his song to one Ted taught them when he realised Sirius had never been sung to as a child. Its a muggle one James doesn't know, but it's slow and soft and sweet, and is one of Harry's favourites. The orbs of multicoloured light that bob up around the cot change colour as Sirius's voice changes and Harry sighs happily as Sirius strokes his dark hair back. James's heart swells with love for his boys, and for a second he thinks it might burst out him entirely. 

He slides to his knees behind Sirius and pulls him closer so they're sitting chest to back, winding his arms around his waist and pressing a gentle kiss to his bare shoulder. Sirius keeps singing, but leans back into his touch. James has known Sirius too well for too long too press him for information; Sirius will tell him when he's ready, and likes the physical comfort while he organises his thoughts.

Harry looks more like Sirius than makes any sense, considering they aren't genetically related. Their skin is a similar shade of brown, they all have stark black hair, and Harry's eyes haven't settled in colour yet, so they're currently a vibrant grey-blue. It's obvious when they're together who's baby he is by blood though, and he knows it's why Sirius likes to always be the one holding him when they're out.

Sirius finishes his song and leans over to kiss Harry's unblemished forehead. When he moves back to James, he sits entirely in his lap and nuzzles their noses together. It doesn't hide the sadness in his grey eyes. 

"What if he hates me?"

Sirius says it so quietly if they weren't so close together, James might have missed it. He presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, not trying to quiet him, and says without moving, "You're his favourite, he'll never hate you."

Sirius loves that he's Harry's favourite and James doesn't resent him for it, not even a little bit. Sirius is with him night and day when James is working, he was the first person to hold him, the first person to get him to smile. It helps him feel more equal, and James would give anything for that. Tonight though, it's not enough.

"He's just a baby, that won't last when he gets to know me."

"You're my favourite, and I know you better than anyone."

He smiles at that, and James can feel his mood lifting.

"You're an idiot though," he says, with a tiny little grin. He pressed his nose to James's cheek. "And our son won't be that."

"Exactly, Si, he's _our_ son, of course he's going to love us," James says.

"I don't love my parents. Plus, what if he decides he doesn't want me to be his parent. If he decides he wants Lily instead."

The 'what if he prefers Lily' thing isn't new, not in regards to Harry, and certainly not in regards to James. Spending several years openly declaring his love of Lily to cover up his constant pining for Sirius hasn't done Sirius's self worth any favours. He'd thought they were done with that after their wedding, and James confirmed he wanted to be with Sirius forever, and he wasn't going to change his mind.

James decides to deal with his comparison to his parents first.

"Since when have you been anything like your parents?"

Sirius doesn't answer that, just leans his forehead onto the hollow at James's throat. He runs his hands through he silky hair, and pets his head gently.

"And why would he ever want Lily as a parent? Lily doesn't want kids, doesn't like kids, and doesn't even know what to do with one."

Sirius nods against him, but James knows he isn't fully agreeing. 

"It's us he cries for when anyone else holds him for too long. He loves us, both of us. You're an amazing dad, Sirius, and you always will be."

Sirius kisses from his collar bone, up his neck and to his lips, feather light things not meant to arouse but to reassure. He kisses James slowly for a while, soft and secure, and then keeps on travelling up his face, his nose, his forehead until he presses a kiss to the crown of his head. James loves the adoration as much as he loves giving it, and smiles as Sirius gives him a final kiss on the cheek.

Sirius is smiling back at him when James looks into his face. His smile is small, and his eyes are still sad, but he can see he's happier, more stable.

"Fell better?" he asks. 

"Much. Let's go to bed."

James reaches out a hand to be helped up once Sirius is standing, and still holding hands, let's him lead them back to bed. He pushes him back and curls up beside him, keeping him locked in his arms.

Within moments, Sirius is asleep. James lies awake for a while, content to listen to his husbands deep breathing mix with their sons in the air, until he too falls asleep, a smile on his face. 


End file.
